


BROKEN. (A TF2 Fanfic)

by Sardonic_and_Sarcastic



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Dad Spy, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Original Character(s), Multi, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Pining, Trust Issues, bad coping, blu engineer raises blu scout, blu engineer takes blu scout as his own son, blu scout has trust issues, blu scout is trying his best, but they all do, engineer is texas dad goals, he just doesnt know what the fuck is going on, i just realized i don't know tf2s canon, light homophobia, may add aditional tags, not about being gay, not all characters have canon apperances, oc is gay and confused, oc just wants everyone to be happy, or names, red scout is a good boi, red spy is a shit dad, red spy is blu scouts dad, some non canon characters - Freeform, they are a bunch of dorks, troubled beans, trying to protect his adopted son
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-08-02 10:23:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16303367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sardonic_and_Sarcastic/pseuds/Sardonic_and_Sarcastic
Summary: "We're all in a painful war, and not the pointless one against each other.......Its a waging war against ourselves.......All of us are broken, now we're just trying to pick up the pieces......And find ourselves again"TRIGGER WARNING(S): CANON TYPICAL VIOLENCE, LIGHT HOMOPHOBIA, ANXIETY ATTACKS, PANIC ATTACKS, ANXIETY DISORDER, DEPRESSION, CHILDHOOD TRAUMA





	1. Chapter 1

Ryan took a deep breath as he stared at himself through the bathroom, leaning slightly against the counter.

Ryan wasn't tall, but he was exactly short either, he was around 5'7. However, he was quite skinny, almost frail looking. Ryan has learned to accept this fact several years ago when he was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.... Unfortunately, he had no money to treat it.

His eyes were the color of milk chocolate edged with a deep forest-green. The two colors seemed to swirl together like moss creeping over rich soil. Although tired and slightly bagged, his eyes glowed with warmth, showing no signs of ill-intent or maliciousness.

Ryan's hair, was a deep shade of brown, any darker and could be classified as black. His hair was long, for a stereotypical male, the ends just barely grazing the top of his shoulders, making it just long enough to be put in a hair tie.

Ryan decided to wear a pair of black jeans this day, although he would honestly prefer to wear a pair of slacks. Despite the heat, he was wearing a simple red and black flannel, as clutching onto the long sleeves brought him a sense of comfort.

Today was a big day for Ryan, after all he just got a job as a mercenary for the blu team.

In full honesty, Ryan had originally planned to wear something more formal, but was informed that he should simply wear his every day clothes.

It had been quite a long trip, both the plane rides and the bus ride, and Ryan was a long way from home, bus for some inexpiable reason, Ryan felt this is where he needed to be.

Luckily for Ryan he had managed to arrive several minutes early, and was able to calm himself down before he had to meet with the administrator.

After taking another deep and shaky breath, Ryan looked down at his watch.... 11:36, he had to meet with the administer at 12:00

Ryan smiled warmly as he brushed his thumb against his watch, it had a light bronze exterior, contrasting the obsidian clock arms, which were place on top of several fancy-looking gold coloured gears.

Absentmindedly Ryan slid the top part of his watch slightly to the side, the second part of his watch, which was almost completely coloured silver, expect for a small round portion, which was a bright red, in all honesty the second part of his watch was actually a lighter.

Despite his usual clumsiness, Ryan had kept the watch in amazing condition, after all his best friend gave it to him as a present several years ago, Ryan chuckled, mostly to himself, as he remember playfully accusing his best friend of enabling his smoking habits.

Ryan slid his watch back into place before he grabbed his day bag, as the rest of his possessions were going to be delivered. Ryan grabbed a letter from his bag as he exited the restroom, "......you will meet the administer in the south hall of the third building, floor 3c, sector 8...." Ryan read quietly, "......what the fuck does that even mean?!" Ryan exclaimed in a whisper as he examined up and down the corridor.

Ryan let out a sigh and shook his head before he started wandering down the seemingly endless corridors, "bloody hell! this place is just a fucking labyrinth of hallways!" Ryan complain to himself as he looked down at his watch, 11:52, only 8 minutes left.

Ryan could feel his heart rate increase as the negative 'what ifs' filled his head. Ryan tried to calm his now uneven breathing, but had no success, "this is no time for a goddamn anxiety attack!" Ryan growled, in another attempt to calm himself, however he quickly found himself sprinting down the corridor in a blinded panic.

Ryan quickly turned at the end of the hall, and suddenly collided with someone, causing him to losing his balance and collapse to the floor.

"son of a-" the male Texan voice cut off for a brief moment, "oh, sorry 'bout that partner, need a hand" the man apologized, his voice was warm and soothing.

Ryan looked up at the man, who hand his hand extended towards him, Ryan smiled as he grabbed the man's hand and was pulled to his feet. Ryan brushed off his pants, "thank you... sorry for running into you like that" Ryan greeted softly

The man wasn't much taller than Ryan, only about an inch, two at most. He had a slight stuble and his eyes were warm seafoam colour. The man was wearing a cowboy hat and what looked like a blu engineer outfit.

The Texan let out a low chuckle, "no worries, but, uh......" the man paused, "you seem to be in a rush, what's th' matter, partner?" the man asked politely.

Ryan's eyes widened as he looked down at his watch, 11:56, "oh, shit... I-I need to meet with the administrator at 12:00" he exclaimed before looking down at his feet, "I-I kinda got lost" he admitted softly.

The Texan gave a smile and Patted Ryan on the shoulder, "don't worry, c'mon, I'll take you there" he offered as he turned around.

Ryan smiled gently as he started following the man, "thank you so much!" he chimed, the man chuckled again and nodded.

In only about 2 minutes, the man stopped in front of a door, "here we are" the man acknowledged, Ryan smiled and nodded, making sure to thank the man once more before he slowly opened the door.

"You must be the administrator?" Ryan asked as he looked at a woman sitting at a desk.

The woman nodded, "you're correct" she motioned towards a chair on the other side of the desk, "please, have a seat"

Ryan quickly walked over and sat down in the chair and looked over at her name tag...... 'Mrs. Pauling'. Mrs. Pauling grabbed a briefcasefrom underneath the desk, "I assume you've read over all of our conditions" the woman began.

Ryan nodded, "Of course, I have them all signed" he confirmed as he grabbed a folder from his bag.

To summarize it simply, the 'conditions' were mainly comprised of statements claimin : ' if something bad happens to you we're taking no responsibility'

Ryan handed Mrs. Pauling the signed documents with a soft smile.

Mrs. Pauling softly cleared her throat, "according to your M.D doctor, you suffer from, General anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder....." she paused for a moment. "I have also received word from your Dermatologist, who has informed me that you suffer from, Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, and Hyperthyroidism" she stated calmily

"This job will probably negatively impact you mentally and physically, due to your disorders" Mrs. Pauling warned.

Ryan nodded, "I have come here with the understanding and acceptance of the risks I could put myself in" he assured without hesitation, after all, he had see this statement coming from the very start.

Mrs. Pauling hesitantly nodded and cleared her throat, "I'm glad we have an understanding" she stated, "in this profession, although not a rule, it is highly recommended that you do not tell anyone your name, and if you do tell your team members your name, use caution. It is also recommended that you wear something to cover at least part of your face, to avoid your identity being revealed" Mrs. Pauling explained

Ryan nodded before he began to dig around in his bag, "will this work?" he asked as he pulled out a mask. The mask was mostly with a few blue lines, forming 3 simple patterns.

Mrs. Pauling nodded absentmindedly, "yes, that will do fine" she assured, Ryan smiled and set the mask on the desk.

Mrs. Pauling grabbed a different sheet of paper, "Ryan Ardell, male, age 26, 5'7, and 122 pounds..." she paused for a moment, "does that sound correct?" she asked, Ryan simply nodded.

Mrs. Pauling scribbled something onto the paper, "now, tell me a bit about your skills, on the battlefield" she advised

Ryan hesitated for a moment, "well, I'm a fast runner, pretty good at using physical weapons, I can be pretty quiet and sneaky...." he trailed off. Mrs. Pauling nodded, "you will work as a scout" she informed

Ryan wanted to argue, he didn't believe he should've gotten that role, but he kept his mouth shut and simply nodded.

"We are currently on ceasefire, workers usually receive off pay, however you haven't participated in a battle yet" Mrs. Pauling explained

Basically saying he wasn't going to get payed for a while

Despite his growing annoyance, Ryan simply nodded with a polite smile.

"I have called the Blu team's engineer, he will arrive shortly and escort you to the dorm rooms" Mrs. Pauling informed

Ryan nodded as he gently put on his mask and grabbed his bag. Moments later there was a knock on the door. "Have a good day Mrs" Ryan said politely before quickly turning towards the door

To his shock, and maybe in even relief, he found the friendly and familiar face of the man who helped him earlier. "Hello, partner" The engineer greeted kindly. Ryan smiled as he slightly adjusted his mask, "nice to see a friendly face" Ryan replied, Engineer simply chuckled and nodded, before motioning for Ryan to follow him down the hall.

"Thank you for helping me earlier, E-Engineer" Ryan chimed, Engineer looked over and smiled. "No worries, partner...." he paused, "and you can call me Engie, everyone does" he noted, Ryan simply nodded in response

Eventually, they came to a stop in front of 2 large doors, Engie opened one and let Ryan inside. Engie closed the door behind them as Ryan gawked at the gigantic room. "this here is th' livin' room, the doors in the back lead to the kitchen and the washroom, the door to the left leads to the infirmary, the door on the right leads to the board room, and the stairs lead upstairs to our master bed rooms" Engie explained

..... Master bedroom, that must mean each person get their own full bathroom.

"The others are in the dining room, we're all excited to meet our new team mate" Engie informed, Ryan sheepishly nodded before Engie motioned to Ryan to follow him into the kitchen.

Ryan anxiously grabbed his sleeves as Engie opened the door, all conversation inside stopped as the door opened. Ryan took a deep breath before walking inside and closing the door behind him. Ryan hesitated as he examined his surroundings..... there were 8 people sitting around a large dining table.

Engie led Ryan to the dining table and motioned for him to sit in an empty chair beside him, "this here is our new team mate...... why don't you all introduce yourselves to him" he suggested.

The man to the other side of Ryan, who was wearing a balaclava, extended his hand, "Bonjour. It's nice to meet you, I am the Spy" Spy introduced, his voice laced with a french accent, Ryan smiled and nodded as he shook Spy's hand.

"I'm the teams soldier, but everyone calls me Sol or Solly. Glad to have you on board, Recruit" Sol added with a small nod.... his voice was rough, and he sounded american.

"Good to meet ya, lad, I'm the Demo, we should go get a drink sometime" Demo added before taking another swig of his alcohol, Ryan smiled lightly, "that sounds great" he agreed happily.

One by one they introduced themselves, Ryan politely listening, until there was only one team member left, sitting on the other side of Engie.

"Hey, I'm Scout" Scout introduced, he was smaller than the rest of the team, and appeared to also be the youngest.

"Recruit. which class are you in?' Sol asked, Ryan hesitated for a moment, "I-I was assigned to be a Scout"

Scout let out a loud groan, "But, I'm the Scout, I'm the best and we don't need another one" he complained, Engie rolled his eyes before pulling Scout's hat down over his eyes, "cool it, string-bean" Engie said almost lovingly

Ryan shrugged, "he's probably right, but like I said it was assigned I didn't get a choice" he explained.

"well, we have to think of another name to call you besides 'scout'" Engie stated as Scout fixed his hat, "did your friends have any nicknames for you?" Sniper asked

Ryan hesitated for a moment, "well, i had one friend that had nicknames for me.... but the nicknames were usually insulting my height or some British stereotype... sometimes they were just inside jokes......" Ryan trailed off

"You're British?" Heavy asked, Ryan nodded. "Yup, I lived in Britain for the first 8 years of my life, then I lived in Australia for a long time, that's where I met my friend" he explained with a smile.

"what did they call you?" Medic questioned

"He had several different nicknames...." Ryan paused for a moment, "one was just a shorter version of my name, which is kinda weird considering my name is only...." Ryan trailed off before clapping twice "....two syllables, but for some reason he needed to make it one" Ryan paused again, "he called me 'crumpets' a lot though" Ryan expressed before looking up at the others. ".....Please don't bring back 'crumpets'" he stated.

"Too bad, you're Crumpets, at least until we can think of a better name" Scout objected with a smirk, Ryan let out a groan.

"Don't worry, Recruit, we'll find another name for you" Sol assured, Ryan smiled and nodded, "thanks, friend" he responded.

"Did you have any nicknames for your friend" Engie asked, Ryan slightly nodded. "several but almost all of them were based off inside jokes..." Ryan paused to think, "I called him Mundy a lot, because that's his last name" he noted

"why don't you tell use more about yourself" Medic suggested after a moment of silence, Ryan hesitated, he didn't really know what to say. "What classes did you take in highschool?" Scout asked

"Well, in the school I went to there were a lot of required classes, we had 4 years of math, science, language arts, and social studies.... but we also had to take a foreign language class every year.... we had a couple options though" Ryan paused for a moment. "Me and my friend took two years of German and two years of French"

Spy looked up, suddenly appearing to be more interested, "you took french?" he asked, Ryan softly nodded, "I-I don't know much though" he explained sheepishly. "how much do you know?" Sniper asked

Ryan paused to think, "Well I know numbers, hello and goodbye, simple things like directions, colours, some food, very basic grammar....... and some really random sentences that don't make much sense" he listed

"Do we want a example of one of these random sentences?" Medic asked

Ryan let out a restrained giggle, "Je mange le petit enfant" he said trying not to laugh, despite the balaclava, Spy's confusion and disturbance was obvious.

"What does that mean?" Scout asked leaning over to look at both Ryan and spy. "merde" Spy cursed under his breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose

Ryan let out another giggle, "I eat the little children" he answered almost sheepishly before giggling. "Je vais devenir un corbeau" he continued, earning another confused look from Spy.

"And what does that mean?" Engie asked as he raised his eyebrow, "I will become a crow" Ryan answered with another small giggle.

Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but cut himself off with a little yawn, "oh, you must be tired, c'mon, I'll show ya to your room" Engie offered as he stood up. Engie looked over at the group, "Crumpets, is probably exhausted, we can continue talking tomorrow" Engie stated as Ryan slowly stood up.

"So, Crumpets really is coming back...." Ryan mumbled as he stretched and let out another yawn.

Engie chuckled before he motioned for Ryan to follow him, "you're room is between mine and Spy's" Engie informed as they headed up the stairs.

Engie stopped in front of a room, "here it is...." he paused for a moment, "get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow mornin'" Engie stated as Ryan opened his bed room door.

Ryan smiled and nodded, "thank you, Engie" he replied before stepping into his room and quietly shutting the door behind him.

Ryan yawned again, god, he really was exhausted. He threw his bag onto the floor and pulled off his shoes before practically jumping into the queen side bed, without even taking off his mask

Ryan slid under the covers and let his eyes drift shut... he didn't even notice falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan huffed before he flopped down onto his friends bed, he rested his head on his hands, his leg dangling idly over the side, before letting out a small groan.

His friend chuckled lightly, "'ave you even started your part of the group project?" he provoked, not looking up from his writing.

Ryan looked over before throwing a pillow at his friend, "shut it, Mundy" he retorted with a smile, "besides, why do I have to learn the song?" Ryan continued

Mundy rolled his eyes, "because, I'm doing the essay....." he paused for a moment "besides I can't sing" he added before throwing the pillow back at Ryan.

Ryan huffed again, propping himself to his elbows, "you know more French than me... and I can't pronounce French words well... or do the accent" he argued as looked over at his friend.

"Yeah, Australia and French accents sound sooo much alike, don't they?" Mundy replied sarcastically, "british accents are more similar" he added before putting down his pencil.

Ryan let out a sigh of defeat before flopping back down on the bed, using his arms to cover his eyes.

"'ave you been listenin' to the song at least?" Mundy asked, Ryan let out a small hum as he nodded.

"Your birthday is tomorrow....." Ryan trailed off before he looked at his phone, 22:56. "Well, actually your birthday is in just over an hour" he corrected himself

Ryan suddenly shot out of bed, "we should sneak out tonight!" he exclaimed, Mundy let out a laugh, "considering you have put large birthday present in my dad's truck, I'm going to say you planned for us to sneak out" he countered lightly.

Ryan giggled, "Maybe" he responded playfully, Mundy let another laugh, "alright, let's go" Mundy chimed as he stood up

"Yes!!" Ryan exclaimed before he sprinted over and tackled his friend into an embrace, causing Mundy to let out a surprised yelp before laughing. 

"Get your shoes on before I change my mind" Mundy stated, Ryan smiled before he let go of Mundy and walked over and sat down beside his things. 

Ryan smiled as he started to put on his shoes and opened his mouth to say something, "aw, piss" Mundy scowled as he started shaking his shoe, causing a rather large scorpion to fall out and onto the floor.

Ryan let out a scream before he scrambled off of the ground and climbing onto Mundy's dresser. "Kill it!! Kill it with fire!!" Ryan exclaimed as he pointed at the scorpian, which was erratically running, trying to get away.

"Come 'ere, you little bugger" Mundy scowled before bashing the scorpion with his boot several times.

Mundy looked up at Ryan and laughed, "it's dead, Crumpets" he assured, Ryan didn't move, he simply pointed at his own shoes, "check" he ordered

Mundy rolled his eyes, but checked Ryan's shoes nevertheless, "see, nothin'" he reassured, Ryan hesitated before he jumped off Mundy's dresser.

"You are my fucking hero!" Ryan chimed before he sat back down, Mundy simply chuckled and rolled his eyes as they both put on their shoes.

Ryan jumped to his feet and threw his bag over his shoulder, "you ready?" Ryan asked, Mundy let out a hum and nodded.

The two teenagers slowly and silently crept through the house towards the front door. Mundy quietly opened the front door, trying not to make a single sound 

"One day, we're goin' to get caught" Mundy acknowledged after they stepped outside and he successfully closed and locked the front door.

Ryan shrugged and put his hands behind his head, "haven't been caught yet" he countered as they walked over to Mundy's father's truck.

Ryan stepped into the drivers seat and let out a sigh as Mundy started the car. 

"So, where are we headed?" Mundy asked as he started to pull out of the driveway.

Ryan rolled down his window, "that drive river area, on the county line" he answered before he reached into his bag and grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Mundy chuckled lightly, "16 is quite a young age to be getting addicted to smoking" he quipped lightly

Ryan scoffed as he lit a cigarette, "you're still 16 for like another half hour..." he paused for moment and took a drag of his cigarette,  "Besides, there's worse things I could get addicted too" he defended

Mundy chuckled as he made a turn, "example..." he ushered, Ryan shrugged, "I'm not addicted to crack cocaine" he offered causing Mundy to laugh.

"Point taken" Mundy replied as he glanced over at his friend, Ryan's eyes were glazed over, it was like he was starting to dissociate. Ryan's expression showed a conflicting mess of fear, anger, guilt, and sadness.... Badly masked by a forced smile.

"What's wrong, Ryan?" Mundy eventually asked, Ryan slowly shook his head before turning towards his friend, a more convincing smile on his face, "nothing's wrong, you worry too much" Ryan dismissed.... he seemed happy, but Mundy didn't believe him, even still he decided to drop the subject.

Mundy pulled into the rocky clearing and stopped the truck, "I'll grab your gifts, wait outside" Ryan stated as he stepped of the truck.

Mundy waited as Ryan grabbed a giant box and walked over to him, Ryan was clutching something in his hand.

"Hold out your hand" Ryan urged, Mundy complied without question, Ryan placed his clutched hand on Mundy's and released the item he was holding.

Ryan pulled his hand away and Mundy examined the item given to him, it was a red and gold owl pin, the detail in the pin itself was indication that it probably cost a good amount of money.

"I-I know how much you like owls... so I thought you would like it" Ryan explained nervously, Mundy looked up, "it's amazing, I love it" he said happily before he clipped the pin onto his shirt.

Ryan smiled before motioning for Mundy to open the slimmer of the huge box. 

Mundy carefully opened the box, "Ryan!" he exclaimed before reaching in a grabbing a black and brown huntsman bow.

"You've been wanting one forever" Ryan expressed as Mundy examined the arrows and targets that came with the bow.

"B-but, this is so expensive! H-how did you...." Mundy trailed off, he was too shocked to even speak.

Mundy placed the bow down before he quickly embraced his friend, "mate, I can't thank you enough for this" he stated before Ryan let out a laugh.

"Yeah, you can..." Ryan paused for a moment, "you need to teach me how to shoot a bow" Ryan expressed as Mundy pulled away, "deal" he agreed with a smile

"C'mon, I wanna see you shoot" Ryan chimed as he grabbed a target from the box. 

Ryan quickly hung up the target on the tree branch and waited by the truck as Mundy readied his bow.

Mundy shot off the first arrow, which hit right above the bullseye, Mundy shot off several more arrows before turning to Ryan, for a split moment, Ryan looked like he was on the verge of tears, but quickly smiled as Mundy turned to face him. 

"Ry, what's wrong?" Mundy asked again, Ryan shook his head, "seriously, it's nothing" he assured with a smile.

"How far do ya think you could shoot?" Ryan asked in a attempt to change the subject. Mundy sighed lightly, accepting that his friend wasn't going to tell him what was going on. "I have no idea" he answered simply

"I have an Idea!" Ryan exclaimed as he sprinted over to grab the target. Ryan pulled the arrows and sprinted back over to Mundy.

"C'mon, lets get this packed" Ryan urged, although confused, Mundy complied

Ryan set the box back into the truck, "We still extra spray paint from our science project, right?" Ryan asked, Mundy hesitantly nodded, "I am starting to have a bad feeling about this" he stated as Ryan grabbed the bag of extra spray paint and closed the truck door.

"We're walking?" Mundy asked, Ryan simply nodded before Mundy locked the truck. 

Ryan looked over at his friend, "Don't worry, we'll be fine" he assured as they started walking, Mundy laughed, "you always come up with the most ridiculous ideas" he added with a small smile. 

Ryan and Mundy walked in relative silence as they entered downtown. Ryan motioned for Mundy to follow as they walked around the back of several buildings. 

Ryan stopped by the fire escape if a several story office building, Mundy laughed "what the hell goes on inside your head?!" he exclaimed quietly. Ryan looked over, "you don't wanna know" he joked as they started climbing the fire escape.

Once at the top Ryan pointed over to a large adversiment bill board for a eye clinic, which had a close up of a man's face, "your target is the eye" Ryan noted

"You're crazy, Crumpets" Mundy expressed, although he was already reaching to grab an arrow.

Mundy took a moment to aim before firing, hitting directly on the eye, "bullseye.... Or human Eye!" Ryan joked, causing to chuckle.

"Now we gotta get over there" Ryan explained as he looked at the top of the two buildings between them and the bill board

Without any warning, Ryan sprinted and jumped onto the next building, "c'mon! We don't have much time!" Ryan exclaimed as he turned and sprinted to jump to the next building.

Mundy hesitated for a moment before taking a few steps back and sprinting to catch up with Ryan, who was already on the ledge by the billboard.

"Give me a lift" Ryan urged as Mundy reached the bill board. "Why do I ever listen to you?" Mundy mused before he knelt down so Ryan could climb on top of his shoulders

Mundy tried to keep still as Ryan used the red and black spemray paint to make it look like the eye was bleeding. 

"Okay, I think that's good" Ryan noted before Mundy set him down. Ryan put the spray paints back into the bag and started to observe his work when police sirens started in the distance, getting closer.

"Shit!" Mundy swore, "c'mon lets go!" Ryan exclaimed before he jumped back onto the the building they came from, Mundy quickly following.

The two teenagers could hear the police screaming as they jumped from rooftop to rooftop, eventually climbing down a fire escape.

They took a moment to breathe before they started hearing the cops yelling again, they looked over at each other before they started sprinting away.

Neither turned back as they sprinted through the tree line, trying to get back to the truck, eventually, as they got about 50 feet from the truck, the police sirens had stopped and there wasn't any yelling.

Ryan and Mundy both collapsed under a tree by there truck, "that was stressful" Mundy acknowledged as they tried to catch their breath.

"Well, you wanna be an assassin, you're going to be doing a lot of stressful and dangerous tasks" Ryan expressed, the comment itself was light hearted, but his tone was bitter and somber.

"that's why you're upset, isn't it? You don't want me to leave, or get hurt" Mundy assumed as he looked over at his Ryan, who was avoiding eye contact.

"I'm upset for multiple reasons...." Ryan paused and took a deep breath, "Richard..." Ryan trailed off, Mundy froze, he doesn't even remember the last time Ryan used his first name. "You're my best friend.... You and mom are the only good things I have... If I lost you..." Ryan trailed off again and wiped away a tear. "I don't wanna be alone" he admitted softly

"Mundy...." Ryan paused again, Mundy gave a hum in response, "what if dad comes back?" Ryan asked quietly.

Mundy hesitated, he didn't know too much about Ryan's father, besides the fact that he was a bad man, and that his father was the reason Ryan and his mother moved out of England and to Australia, to get away from him.

"I-I don't know...." Mundy paused and took a deep breath, "but no matter happens, I'm with you, until the very end"


	3. Chapter 3

Ryan groaned as a shuffling noise greeted his ears, along with a decently loud thud.

"Careful, partner, you may wake him up" Engie whispered, Ryan forced his tired eyes open, squinting as he tried to adjust to the light.

"Too late" Ryan mumbled, rubbing his eyes from under the mask as he slowly sat up, and squinted at the still blurry figures in front if him... Engie and Sol were both in the room.

"Sorry to wake you, recruit" Sol greeted as he placed a cardboard box on the floor. "Your belonging's arrived, we were settin' them in your room for you" Engie explained

Ryan smiled and nodded before stretching, "thanks, you guys" he chimed before looking down at his watch 10:02, "damn, I was asleep for a while" he commented, mostly to himself

Engie let out a laugh, "not too surprisin', you had probably been to restless to sleep" he assumed, Ryan chuckled, "more than you know, my friend" he confirmed with a smile.

For the first time, Ryan actually got a good look at Sol, as he wasn't wearing his helmet.

He was tall, probably a little over 6', and had a sturdy build. Sol's face looked gruff, probably due to years of fighting, the outline of his beard was visible, but only vaguely. 

Sol's eyes were a striking blue, although they didn't hold any shine to them, his eyes looked dull... Then again Sol has probably seen some traumatizing things in his life.

He had a short buzzcut, his hairs greying, Ryan couldn't figure out if it was due to age or stress, although part of him just hopes that he won't be forced to cut his hair.

"Crumpets? You okay?" Engie asked, snapping Ryan out of his thoughts, "y-yeah, I must still be half asleep" he assured with a half smile

Engie chuckled, "well, once you're ready, come down and get some breakfast" he suggested before motioning for Sol to follow him out of Ryan's room. 

"Okay, I will, thank you again" Ryan responded before the two left, closing the door behind them.

Ryan slowly rose to his feet and stretched once more examining his room, as he was far too tired to yesterday.

It was a simple room, a light beige colour painted on the walls, and a simple light and ceiling fan in the center of the ceiling.

The bed was in the center by the wall, two small desk on either side, both accompanied by a small lamp on top.

Against the back wall was a rather large obsidian bookshelf, to the left, in the corner of the room was a computer desk, which was built with several cabinet, and accompanied by a blue computer chair

Directly opposite of the bed was a Tv, which was placed on a simple table, to the left was the door to the bathroom.

Ryan slowly opened the bathroom door, the walls were a light blue colour. It was a typical bathroom, nothing out of the ordinary, although there was a door to a decently sized closet, which has several drawers.

Ryan hummed to himself as he walked back over to the cardboard boxes. He let himself wander off into his thoughts as he started organize his clothes.

Four years.... it had been four years since Ryan has seen or heard from Mundy.

It was a unfortunate series of events that lead to that decision, for their own protection, they both had to go their own separate ways, and escape.

Deep inside, not only did Ryan regret some of the decisions he had made, but also blamed himself for getting his best friend wrapped up in this mess.

Ryan had always been one to run from his problems, he was terrified of the things that he simply had no control over... He preferred not to think about those problems.

Although, that was easier said than done, because he didn't want to forget Mundy, he didn't want to forget the good times they had together.

Ryan let out a quiet sigh as he put away the last of his clothes, "you promised... you promised that we would stick together till the end...." Ryan trailed off for a moment. "What happened to that?" He questioned, Ryan paused for a moment, as if he was waiting for a response before sighing.

"No..." Ryan stated somberly, "it wasn't your fault, I know that, I can't blame you... This wasn't your fault" he muttered softly as he continued to unpack.

After a few minutes, there was a knock at the door, "come in!" Ryan called before the door slowly opened, it was Scout.

"Hey, good morning" Ryan greeted, almost dismissively, he didn't want to talk to anyone, of course, he couldn't let the others see how broken he was.

"Hey, Crumpets, I got ya breakfast" Scout explained, Ryan looked over, Scout was indeed holding two trays of food. Scout handed Ryan one of the trays before sitting on Ryan's bed, "I'm goin' eat in 'ere" Scout stated blatently. Ryan hesitated for a moment before shrugging and sitting beside Scout.

Scout was around Ryan's height, maybe even shorter, and he was skinny, although not nearly as skinny as Ryan.

Although he was still wearing his hat, Scouts dirty blonde hair was slightly visible.

His eyes were a light hazel, a thin line of blue around the edges. Scouts eyes vaguely shined with a childlike innocence, however they still seemed dull, and laced with uncertainty and hurt.

Poor kid.... he couldn't be older than 19 or 20, and it was obvious he had suffered through more than his fair share of pain, after all, he was already stuck in this hell hole, at such a young age. Ryan could easily tell Scout was broken.

They ate in silence for a while, Scout eventually began looking around the room. "Holy shit! You play video games!" Scout exclaimed as he rushed over to the open boxes by the tv.

Ryan finished his last bite of food before walking over to Scout, "yeah, I have a lot of them too" Ryan expressed as he sat on the floor beside Scout. "I was planning to hooking up my consoles" Ryan informed.

Scout looked over, "I'll help you..." he paused for a moment, "if I get to play afterwards" he added with a grin. "Deal" Ryan agreed before he reached into the box.

"So how old are you?" Ryan asked softly as he tried to untangle several wires.

"19. I'm turning 20 soon" Scout answered simply as he plugged in a HDMI cable. 

Ryan froze up, "19? How long have you been working here?" He asked, he could feel his face going pale, he really was as young as he looked.

Scout hesitated for a moment, "almost four years... I got here right after my 16th birthday" he answered blatantly

Ryan felt sick, the words hit hard, like he was just punched in the gut, he was so young, just to throw away his childhood in a place like this.

"If it's not too personal, why did you come here, at such a young age?" Ryan asked tentatively.

Scout shrugged, "I needed to escape..." he trailed off before letting out a laugh. "I feel safer and happier here than I did at 'home', strange isn't it?" Scout added softly

"Not really..." Ryan paused for a moment and Scout looked over at him. "After all, my reasoning isn't too different" Ryan explained softly

They several minutes in silence after that, Ryan empathized with the young adult, Scout must be in a lot of pain.

"U-um, my father... my father was never really a part of my life... hell I don't even remember him anymore..." Scout trailed off and figeted slightly. "Ma was never mean to me, she was just so emotionally distant... I think she blames me for dad leaving" he explained before looking over at Ryan, "what about you?" Scout asked lightly

Ryan hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not he should talk about his past. "Well, I lived with both my parents for the first eight years of my life... my dad was a really, really bad person, when I was eight me and my mom moved to Australia to get away from him..." Ryan paused before taking a deep breath. "My mom loved me, she really did, but she was physically disabled... She had to take these pain pills that made her sleepy... So she was usually in too much pain to be present in my life" Ryan explained

Ryan looked up, "but she was a amazing person, and she always fought for me, even though she was suffering" he added

"She sounds nice, I wish I could meet her" Scout noted as Ryan finished setting up the consoles.

Ryan let out a small chuckle, "about two and a half years too late" he responded, Scout looked over, "has she died..." Scout whispered, Ryan slowly nodded, "yeah, sickness took her early" he confirmed.

There was a long silence

"Oh..."

Ryan wanted to help Scout, he really did, but he didn't know how, after all, Ryan was just as broken.

They both jumped at a knock at the door, "come in!" Ryan called, before the door opened and Spy slowly walked in, "or should I say, 'comme... dans'" he joked, Spy gently rolled his eyes. 

"Medic needs you... and you need to choose your weapons soon" Spy informed, Ryan smiled and nodded as both he and Scout stood up.

"Well, Scout, if you want you can help me pick my weapons later" Ryan offered, Scout grinned, "you made a good choice for help" he chimed as they left Ryan's room.

Scout waved goodbye as Spy motioned Ryan to follow him to the infirmary.

"So, uh..." Ryan paused for a moment, "how old are you?" he asked, Spy looked over at Ryan suspiciously, "why?" Spy queried

Ryan looked away from Spy, "Just tryin' to make small talk..." He answered sheepishly.

"I'm 27" Spy answered blatantly, before glancing at Ryan, "how old are you?" He asked.

"26." Ryan stated, relaxing slightly, "how long have you been working here?" Ryan asked, almost tentatively

"A little over five years..." Spy replied, Ryan nodded absentmindedly as Spy pulled out a cigarette

Spy came to a stop next to the infirmary as he lit his cigarette, "thanks for walking me here" Ryan expressed, with a smile, his fingers grazing the door handle, to his surprise, Spy actually smiled at him. "It was my pleasure, mon amie" Spy assured

Spy turned to leave when Ryan grabbed his wrist, "I-um-well..." Ryan trailed off as let go of Spy's wrist. "I was wondering if maybe you would be willing to teach me more French... I-if its no trouble" Ryan explained shyly, Spy let out a chuckle, "why of course, just ask me whenever" he agreed,

Ryan visibly relaxed as he smiled and nodded, "Merci, mon ami" he responded, Spy chuckled and softly shook his head before he started walking away.

Ryan let out a sigh and adjusted his mask before he opened the door to the infirmary. 

"Doc?!" Ryan called as he shut the door behind him. "Yes, over here" Medic responded for another part of infirmary.

Ryan walked over, Medic was reading what looked like medical notes, a table of cleaned surgical equipment beside him.

"Please, lay down" Medic urged as he motioned towards what looked like a survival table.

Ryan hesitated, causing Medic to chuckle, "don't worry, you will be fine" he assured. Ryan slowly walked over and lied down on the table.

"Sorry, I was reading over your given medical documents" Medic explained, Ryan simply slowly nodded.

"So, what did you need?" Ryan asked nervously. 

Medic held up a small device, "I need to attach this to your heart, it's the respawn device" Medic explained, Ryan tensed up. "Respawn device?" He echoed

Medic nodded, "yes, did you not know?" he queried, Ryan softly shook his head.

"I mean, no one on the outside knows much about what happens here..." Ryan paused, "I mean, I heard something about how no one truly dies, but I never knew what it really meant" Ryan noted before looking over at Medic.

"What exactly does it do?" Ryan asked as Medic started prepping Ryan for surgery.

Medic took a deep breath, "well, after you die, it restores and returns your body, and possesions to the respawn point" he explained as he started getting all of equipment organized

"Does it ever mess up?" Ryan questioned, Medic slowly nodded, "there have been times where something won't come back with everything else..." Medic paused as Ryan's face visibly paled. "But don't worry, there's a much higher chance that something like your bag won't back rather than something like your liver" he assured, Ryan barely relaxed.

"Good to know..." Ryan stated, "so what happens when someone finds out that it's messing up?" He questioned

"Well, that is actually the main reason for a cease fire..." Medic paused, "do you know what that means?" he asked, Ryan slowly nodded, "yeah, I think so" he responded softly

Medic smiled, "good, now are you ready for the operation, you should only be unconscious for roughly an hour" he stated

Ryan nodded once more, "let's do it" he responded before Medic injected the sedative into Ryan's forearm.

Ryan closed his eyes, not bothering to even attempt to fight off the drug, and let himself fall into unconsciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryan groaned, his throat was dry and he felt incredibly exhausted, probably due to the drug still wearing off. Ryan reached up to rub his eyes, only to be blocked by his mask, he let out another groan before moving his hands under his mask to properly rub his eyes.

"How do you feel?" Medic asked simply, Ryan hesitated as he propped himself up into his elbows, his eyes still adjusting to the light "u-um, good, I guess" he answered before looking over at Medic, "thirsty though" he added, his voice was slightly strained, "that's nothing to worry about, the drug usually makes people thirsty" Medic assured as he handed Ryan a glass of water, which he quickly chugged 

"How did the surgery go?" Ryan asked, as he placed the now empty cup onto a nearby table, "very well, why don't you look for yourself" Medic responded with a soft reassuring smile.

Ryan slowly looked down, his shirt was unbuttoned half way, two professionally stitched cuts were across his chest, right above his heart.

Ryan gently prodded his chest, eventually finding a small bump, which he gently pressed. "Although I didn't say anything, I was quite worried that there would be complications due to how skinny you are..." Medic paused, "but, you had no complications, I'm impressed" he coclueded.

"You've seen my prescriptions..." Ryan assumed blatantly, still softly massaging the bump. "My body has gotten used to a lot things that should hurt me" he concluded as he moved his hand away.

Medic chuckled and nodded, "even so, your body is remarkable resilient" he remarked with a small smile as Ryan buttoned up his shirt

"Those stitches should heal fairly quickly" Medic informed as Ryan swung his legs over the side of the operation table.

"Has Crumpets woken up yet?" A familiar Texan voice asked, "no, I'm still sleeping" Ryan answered sarcastically as Engie and Scout walked over to him with a plate of food.

"Here, me an' String-bean got you some lunch" Engie informed as he handed Ryan the tray. "Oh, t-thank you" Ryan replied with a smile.

"Crumpets, why are you so freaking skinny?" Scout asked, "that is not a appropriate question!" Medic scolded, Scout rolled his eyes, "I wasn't asking you!" he snapped, glaring at Medic

"Son" Engie placed a hand on Scout's shoulder, "that could a sensitive topic, it was impolite to ask him like that" Engie explained patiently

Ryan expected Scout to snap at Engie, since the boy did seem to have a short temper, but surprisingly, Scout just looked down at his feet and mumbled a apology

"Don't worry, besides I'm fine with talkin' about it" Ryan assured with a smile as he continued eating. "I have hyperthyroidism, basically my metabolism is way too high, so its real hard for me to gain any weight" he explained as he finished his meal.

Ryan cringed as Medic mumbled something about the severity of his other disorders, if he were to be honest, hyperthyroidism was the one disorder he didn't mind people knowing, the other disorders however, he didn't want anyone to know. He didn't want to be told what he could and could not do just because he was born with a disadvantage.

Medic cleared his throat, 'tomorrow will be your first day" he informed hesitantly 

Ryan stood up and stretched, "well, in that case I should probably pick out my weapons, you guys wanna help?" he asked with a smile.

"Hell yeah!" Scout blurted before looking over at Engie, "you wanna help, hard hat?" Scout asked

Engie chuckled before he softly nodded, "sure, string-bean" he mused with a smile

"Medic...?" Ryan began, Medic slowly shook his head, "I have quite a bit of work, but you three have fun" Medic responded

"then what are we waiting for?!" Scout exclaimed as he grabbed Ryan's arm and practically dragged him out of the infirmary 

"The kid seems happy" Engie noted, Medic slowly nodded, "I have a feeling that the new boy can see that Scout is hurting... after all he's already shown the boy a remarkable amount of patience" Medic confirmed, Engie simply smiled and nodded

Engie hesitated for a moment, "I should probably catch up to 'em" he noted, Medic simply nodded in response.

After saying goodbye, Engie quickly headed out of the infirmary,  shutting the door behind him, before rushing to catch up with the two scouts, who, luckily were now walking

"Yall are certainly fast" Engie observed as he tried to catch his breath, causing Scout and Ryan to let out a laugh.

"You remember that friend I was talking about yesterday?" Ryan queried as he put his hands behind his head.

Scout looked over, "yeah, Mundy"

Ryan nodded, "well, funny thing is he actually went through a scene, emo, phase" he started before glancing over at the other two. "He grew out of it, but I still call him 'punk' sometimes" he explained

Engie chuckled, "pay back for callin' you 'crumpets'" he guessed, Ryan let out a laugh, "exactly" he chimed in agreement.

They were silent for a moment before Ryan laughed, "Y'know if anyone here quits or gets fired, I'm totally gonna make the joke that 'it was out of the Blu'" he stated

Despite trying to hold it in, both Scout and Engie laughed.

"That was a terrible joke" Scout stated.

"Don't judge me" Ryan started, as he tried to stop laughing, "I have a problem"

"Well, 'ere we are" Engie stated as he opened a door, motioning for the two Scouts to walk in first, Ryan stepped inside and froze in shock, there were hundreds of weapons lining the room.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Scout chimed as he walked past Ryan, who simply speechlessly nodded.

"So, what weapons do you want?" Scout asked happily, obviously excited to be helping... or showing off how much he knows, maybe even a combination of the two.

Ryan hesitated for a moment to think, as he gnawed gently on his bottom lip, "well, I need a melee... Preferably something light" he expressed softly

The three looked around for a little over a minute before Engie picked up a weapon, "what about this? A tribalman's shiv" he offered

Ryan walked over and slowly grabbed the weapon, surprisingly it wasn't too heavy for him

"Yeah! I think that's a great choice!" Scout chimed in as Ryan examined the weapon

Ryan nodded, "yeah, I like it" he agreed handing the weapon back over to Engie, who placed the shiv on a small table.

"Now I should probably get a couple long distant weapons" Ryan pondered for a minute, "I want a bow and arrow and a gun" he empathize absentmindedly

"I got it!" Scout blurted as he sprinted over to the other side of the room, quickly returning with a gun. "It's a scatter gun, this is what I also use" he informed as he handed Ryan the gun

"Well, I can't argue with the best" Ryan confirmed causing Scout to proudly grin

"I think I might've found somethin' for you" Engie stated as he held up a compound bow.

"Great! Now we've assembled my weapons together!" Ryan exclaimed with a grin

there was a minute of silence...

"My first battle is tomorrow" Ryan echoed as he walked over to the table where is other weapons were placed.

Engie nodded, "yup, do you think you're ready?" he responded gently, Ryan nodded before looking over, "I'm actually really excited" he assured, although that was partially a lie

"Is there anything else I need to do?" Ryan asked politely, his eyes examining the other weapons, coming to halt at a weapon that was painfully familiar, a huntsman bow

Engie hesitated in order to think before softly shaking his head, "No, I think you've done everything"

Ryan forcefully torn his eyes from the bow, as he forced himself to smile, "Okay, well I'm gonna go back to my room" 

"See ya later, Crumpets!"

Ryan didn't respond to scout, he simply walked out, and as soon as he closed the door he started sprinting,and the world around him began to blur, it didn't take long for him to arrive to his room. Ryan hastily sped into the room, quickly closing and locking the door.

Ryan's eyes were burning and his chest felt heavy as if it were filled with lead. Ryan threw off his mask in a fit of rage before he slowly slid to the floor, he could no longer see clearly. 

He clasped his hand tightly over his mouth, muffling the loud sobs seeming for his lips, he couldn't stop crying, why couldn't he stop crying?

The pain was still so raw, like a fresh wound, for all that Ryan knew, Mundy could very well be dead, and Ryan would never see him again, and he was truly all alone.

...That terrified him

Ryan was terrified of being alone, and the thought of his best friend being dead made him feel sick

Ryan didn't know to cope properly, after all he was never taught, so he often found himself 'talking' to Mundy or his mother, even though it was more or less talking to himself

He wanted them back...

They were able to take away his pain, his fears, his self doubt.

Ryan didn't believe himself to be very strong, as he did often need emotional support from Mundy and his mother

However, he tried to be strong, he wanted to be strong, he didn't want to be afraid anymore.

This wasn't a new experience, his mouth moved, but no sounds would come out as he begged for Mundy and his mother to come, as he begged for them not to leave him all alone.

Ryan would try to deny the fact that they were gone, or try to bargain some invisible force to bring him back, or sometimes he would start screaming that he hated them, that they abandoned him, although he never meant it, and sometimes he would just silently cry, and let the depression take over.

It was like he was stuck constantly looping through the first four stages of grief without ever making it to acceptance.

Deep down, he knew this wasn't good for him, but refused to ever accept that they were both gone.

After he had cried until was empty, Ryan would blankly stare into the empty space, his exhaustion making him slump limply

He feels as though energy is being constantly drained out of him, as though he's leaking electricity.

Ryan was usually full of spontaneous energy and sassy comments, but during moments like these he was completely different, filled to the brim with exhaustion, quiet and subdued, hoping for the pain and numbness to just go away.

There was a time, where whenever he was upset, his mother would hold him as he cried, assuring him that she was right there by his side... but not anymore, now he was alone, in a room full of painful thoughts.

Then there was a small piece of him that still believed, still believed Mundy was still alive, still believed they meet again, there was still that small piece of him that had hope, after all Mundy had made a promise.

'This isn't goodbye... I don't know if it'll take ten weeks or ten years, but one day we'll find our way back... I promise'

That one promise kept Ryan going, that one promise gave Ryan the strength to keep fighting.

Ryan grazed his fingers over his watch, "you promised..." He mumbled as he grabbed his mask and rose to his feet.

"If you die on me, I'll never forgive you.." Ryan trailed off before softly smiling, "I will kill you if you die" he joked lightly

Ryan shook his head, "This isn't the time, I have a big day tomorrow" he stated as he trudged over into the bathroom. He sighed as he turned on the shower water a started getting undressed.

"For some reason I think you would be proud of me, Mundy"

Ryan stepped into the shower, before sighing

"At least I hope you are..." 


	5. Chapter 5

Ryan woke up early, although, he wasn't shocked, he had been sleeping quite a bit, and he was extremely anxious.

He spent a good amount of time, deciding what exactly to wear, grumbling to himself, he pulled out a blue shirt along with a black jacket, setting them on the bathroom counter.

Ryan let out a sigh before someone knocked at his bedroom door, "slacks or jeans?!" He yelled towards the door.

There was a long pause of silence

"What?"

The voice belonged to Demo

Ryan let out a small sigh, "should I wear slacks or jeans?!"

There was another pause

"Slacks..."

Ryan hummed to himself as he pulled out a pair of slacks

Ryan tied his mask on his face as he headed to unlock his bedroom door, slowly opening it.

"'ey, Crumpets" Demo greeted, Ryan smiled and stepped to the side to let him in.

Demo smiled politely as he walked inside Ryan's room, shutting the door behind him, "I wanted to see if ye were awake yet" Demo explained

Ryan let out another hum and nodded, "yeah, I was just getting ready" he commented

Demo, handed him a bottle of, what appeared to be rum, "scared?" he asked as Ryan took the bottle

Ryan tilted his head back and let the alcohol slide down his throat, "fuck, I'm terrified" he answered, he took another long drink of the rum before handing it back to Demo.

Demo laughed, "I'm sure ye will do fine" he comforted with a grin

Ryan hummed, "I sure hope so..." he mumbled as he walked back into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

They were silent for a moment as Ryan got dressed

"How old are you?" Ryan asked, "I-if you don't mind me asking!"

Demo laughed once more, "I'm 36, laddie" he answered "how about you?"

"26" Ryan responded simply as he put on his jacket.

Ryan grabbed a hair tie before he opened the bath room door

Ryan looked down at his watch, "When do we have to be there?" 

"'bout fifteen minutes" Demo answered as Ryan put his hair in a hair tie

"Well, we should be going..." Ryan paused, "will you lead me there?" He asked as he threw his bag over his shoulder

Demo nodded, "sure thing, laddie" 

Demo motioned for Ryan to follow him out of the room, Ryan closed the door and quickly caught up with Demo

They walked in silence as Ryan examined Demo

Demo was tall, with a sturdy build, probably one of the tallest in the group, definitely over six feet.

He dark skin, and despite drinking alcohol, he had good posture, and walked steadily.

Demo's eyes were a deep brown, almost hazy, he had an eye patch over one of his eyes. The eye patch seemed worn around the edges, as if he had worn in for quite a few years.

"This is called the respawn room, its also where we start battles" Demo explained as he opened the door.

"As, there you are partner!" Engie exclaimed as Demo and Ryan entered the room.

Engie handed Ryan several items, one at a time. First was a bow, in a bow holder, and a quiver full of arrows. Next he handed him the tribalman's shiv and the scatter gun, which were both in holders. After Ryan situated his weapons, Engie handed him a hat and a headset.

"Thanks, Engie, I don't know what I would do without ya!" Ryan chimed as he adjusted his mask

"Mission starts in 60 seconds"

Ryan took a shaky breath, as he tried to calm himself down, he refused to have an attack, not at a time like this

Engie reassuringly patted Ryan's shoulder, "don't worry, you'll be fine"

Ryan nodded and forced himself to smile

"Mission starts in 30 seconds"

Ryan took another deep breath, his fingers grazing his watch, "I'm living the dream you drempt up... I hope you're proud" he whispered as he clenched his fist.

"10..."

He wasn't going to be afraid

"9..."

He wasn't going to back down

"8..."

He was going to fight

"7..."

Fight with everything he had

"6..."

He wasn't going to be defeated

"5..." 

He couldn't back down

"4..." 

He couldn't let his demons win

"3.."

He wasn't going to be paralyzed be fear

"2..."

He resuses to be controlled anymore

"1..." 

Nothing can defeat him

"0..."

"I'm not afraid anymore..."

The large mechanical door clicked before slowly lowering into the ground.

Scout was the first out the room, already sprinting at full speed

Ryan hesitated for a moment as the other started heading out... He was also a scout, he should also start running.

Ryan shook his head, in some attempt to clear his thoughts, before he started sprinting.

He was greeted by rocky terrain, he could already hear people from both sides screaming.

Ryan came to a halt, there were just as many on red, all of them were probably just as tough.

Despite the fact that he accepted this job, Ryan wasn't stupid, he knew his body was quite frail, the red team can and will destroy him, he had to be strategic.

Ryan snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Engie scream for help, his eyes widened as he rushed towards the voice...

Engie was standing below a rocky ledge, cornered by what appeared to be, the red Soldier.

Ryan grabbed his shiv as he sprinted up the rocky inclined slope in order to get above Engie.

Without hesitation Ryan leaped from the ledge, crashing into the red Soldier, and wrapping his arms around his foes neck.

The enemy Soldier thrashed around as Ryan repeatedly stabbed him, Ryan wasn't exactly aiming, he was just stabbing wherever he could.

Luckily it didn't take long before the enemy Soldier collapsed lifelessly to the floor, his body disappearing a few seconds later

Ryan shakily rose to his feet, his breathing was uneven and he was covered in blood that wasn't his own.

"Good job, partner" Engie thanked with a light smile

Ryan simply nodded, before turning around and quickly sprinting away, his pupils dilated as he avoided incoming bullets.

Ryan tried to get a better look at the members of the red team... His assumptions were right, almost all of them could kill him without much effort, charging in straight on like Scout did was a death sentence, he was going to have to find another way.

Ryan ducked behind a rocky wall and examined his surroundings, they appeared to be in what looked like an abandoned industrial zone, huge warehouses and giant gas container along with several other tall buildings, littered the rocky terrain.

Ryan smiled to himself, if there was one thing he truly excelled at, it was climbing. 

Ryan turned towards the rocky wall, before jumping in order to grab on to a rock that was sticking out further than the others.

Ryan let out a small grunt as he climbed up the wall, the rocks were sharp, he could feel them tearing through his skin.

He pulled himself onto the top of the building, when something caught his eye, The enemy Demo was about tp throw a grenade at Sol. 

Almost as if on instinct, Ryan readied his bow, only moments later, the enemy Demo threw the grenade high into the air.

Ryan shot the arrow, which directly hit the grenade, causing it to explode in mid air, "those archery lessons didn't go to waste, Mundy"

"okay, now where..." Ryan mumbled as he looked around, eventually spotting a rather tall building not too far away, but still quite close the enemy base.

Ryan grinned, "okay, lets do this" he whispered before he started sprinting,

bullets flew passed him in rapid succession right as he leaped to get to the next building, a intense pain shooting up from his ankle to the rest of his body.

Ryan tumbled onto the next building, looking over the edge, the enemy Heavy and Medic had spotted him.

For a moment, Ryan froze, paralyzed by fear. His head was spinning, his mind was screaming for him to run away, just like he always had.

"I can't! I can't do this!" Ryan shrieked as heavy started shooting again, Ryan ducked as the bullets flew right above his head

There was several explosions, then the shooting stopped, Ryan hesitantly looked up, his breathing laboured.

"Mess with someone yer own size!" 

Ryan sniffled and forced himself to grin and Demo launched several more grenades at the two.

"This isn't the time... I have to move"

Ryan jumped back onto his feet, "thanks, friend!" he exclaimed, giving Demo a thumbs up before he continued sprinting towards the red base.

Jumping building to building, Ryan continued for his destination, trying to avoid being detected.

Ryan came to a halt at the building right before his destination

On closer inspection, the building that had been aiming for, while quite taller than the surrounding structures, was unfinished, the top half it seemed to be the hallow skeleton of a tall building, the structure beams were rusted, as if the building had been abandoned for quite some time, tarps were covering a good portion of the last couple of floors.

Ryan shook his head before leaping, he latched onto one of the structure poles, letting out a small grunt as he hoisted himself to the next beam above him.

After climbing to the top, Ryan silently dropped to the floor. He froze as a loud gunshot greeted his ears... The enemy sniper was on this floor.

"Domination! You cactus eatin' egg head!"

The strange insult might've made Ryan laugh, if the voice hadn't been strangely familiar, the type of familiarity that leaves you feeling sick.

Beside the sniper, there was a huntsman's bow, the bow was obviously several years old, brown fabric tied around several areas... The bow also seemed familiar.

Without even thinking, Ryan took a step forward towards the bow, the floor creaking underneath him

The enemy sniper grabbed his shiv and quickly turned around, Ryan's entire world seemed to stop

"Well, 'ere's a new face" The enemy sniper growled, Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but nothing would come out, his eyes were transfixed on The snipers vest, were a slightly worn gold and red owl pin was attached

Ryan tried to speak, tried to force the words from his throat but he couldn't.

In a instant, the Sniper dug his shiv into Ryan, piercing his chest, Ryan looked up at the Sniper, his eyes dilating from behind his mask.

There was a searing pain coursing through his entire body as his vision blurred, a sharp ringing greeted his ears.

Ryan's eyes drifted shut, as they felt to heavy to hold open, before his body collapsed, and his consciousness faded away.

Ryan shot up, gasping loudly for air, instinctively placing his hand over where he had been stabbed... Nothing, no wound, no blood, it was like it didn't happen.

Ryan's breathing was quick and uneven as he looked down at his hand, "Mundy..." Ryan whispered

There was no other explaination, the familiar voice, the familiar bow, that owl pin... The enemy sniper was Mundy, The enemy sniper was his long lost friend

The friend who he thought had died...

And Ryan didn't know if he wanted to start laughing and celebrating or start crying his eyes out.

"Not fun, is it? Partner"

Ryan looked up, and saw Engie only a few feet away.

"Respawn isn't all to enjoyable" Engie clarified before walking over to Ryan. "Who got you?" He asked as he sat down beside Ryan

"Sniper..." Ryan trailed off for a moment, he didn't know if he should tell Engie... Or anyone

"I-I know that..." Ryan trailed for a moment, the word 'sniper' threatening to escape his lips, should he tell the truth, "I know that I died" he stated instead. "I could feel it, the life, just draining away"

Engie nodded carefully before standing, reaching down to help Ryan to his feet, "well, the day is almost done, so if you want to take leave early I'm sure it would be fine" he offered patiently as he pulled Ryan to his feet.

"I-I would like that..." Ryan paused for a moment, "thank you"

Engie nodded and opened his mouth to speak, "Engie! We need you!" Sol exclaimed, Engie looked towards where Sol voice was coming before looking back at Ryan

Ryan nodded in understanding before Engie took off to help the team.

Ryan took a deep shaky breath before slowly turning around, and, without any rhyme or reason, he started to run.


	6. Chapter 6

Ryan sprinted outside though a side door, the area he was in was a lot greener, and abundance of trees, bushes, and wildlife surrounded him.

Not that he was particularly observing his surroundings, he just wanted to get far, far, away. Everything was happening way too fast for him to comprehend.

Ryan's feet hurt, and his lungs felt like they were on fire, but he didn't care. His world was blurring around him, tears freely streamed down his face. His mind was hazy, his heartbeat was irregular and racing, and he was terrified.

...Ryan was having a panic attack

Even though he acknowledged this, and acknowledged that running and increasing his heart rate was only going to escalate his panicked state, he still refused to stop.

Maybe it was the panic that impaired his mind to make logical decisions, but he couldn't be bothered to care.

Ryan stumbled over a large tree branch, causing his to fall over a ledge. Ryan landed at a riverbed with a loud thud, for a moment he remained motionless, trying to steady his breathing.

He let out a sob and curled up into a ball, he coughed through his ragged breathing

He wasn't exactly sad... in fact, he didn't know how he felt, he was so disoriented, and afraid.

His friend was alive, Mundy was alive... and Mundy had killed him

Ryan groaned as he pushed himself up into a sitting position before looking up, he had fallen roughly fifteen feet, landing on his side, he had used his arms to cover his head, which was a strange habit he had picked up as a child

Even still, Ryan wouldn't be surprised if he fractured something

Ryan let out a laugh, a laugh laced with pain and confusion, tears still streamed down his cheeks before dripping down to the floor...

He knew if anyone else saw they probably would've assumed he was insane

It took Ryan several minutes to compose himself.

Slowly Ryan untied his mask to examine it, before letting out a sigh of relief, it wasn't damaged.

Ryan slowly stood and walked over to the small river, and sat back onto his knees

He looked into the water, examined the reflection of his face, Ryan reached out, slowly sticking his hand into the reflecting water, distorting his reflection.

"I look just as broken as I am"

Ryan quickly shook his head

"What am I doing?! I can't just sit here and feel sorry for myself! Mom and Mundy, they were always strong for me, I need to be strong for them"

Ryan sighed again, before splashing his face with cold water

"I can't tell you who I am now, but I promise, I'll protect you, I'll be strong for you, and one day I will get us out of here"

Ryan rose to his feet and turned around, before looking up again in order to examine his surroundings... He had fallen because of the roots of a large tree, some of the trees roots were dangling over the edge.

On closer inspection, the roots and rocks seemed to be covering a opening in the wall. 

Ryan hesitated before he started slowly walking over to the opening.

The branches and rocks were covering a small cavern, it was roughly the size of his new bedroom, maybe even slightly bigger.

The cavern was cool, but dry, and protected everything from the outside, it was a perfect little hide away from the rest of the world.

Ryan let out a small hum, before slightly smiling, maybe he could make himself a secret base.

Ryan let out a small chuckle, his mind already racing with ideas... Maybe that could help him get his mind off of his predicament, maybe he could borrow someone's car, drive into town and pick up supplies

Ryan forced himself to smile, ignoring the nausea that lingered in his gut, as he pushed the thought of Mundy to the back of his mind

'just ignore it'

Deep inside, Ryan knew that he should confront the problem, he knew ignoring it would only make it worse, but he didn't know how to handle it, and he couldn't exactly ask for help or advice.

Ryan took a seat against the wall of the small cavern, leaning his head back and letting out a heavy sigh and allowed his eyes to drift shut for a moment as his thoughts began to unravel, 

He didn't understand why he recently had a dream about the good memories he and Mundy had

Ryan smiled to himself, he remembered that french project, it was a partner project, they had several choices on what they wanted to do on the project, however they ended up choosing a song and a essay.

Ryan exhaled through his nose with amusement, he remembered the song he had chosen to sing... Mentir

Ryan started humming the song to himself as he looked down at his watch, it was getting late, he needed to get back to the base.

He stretched lazily, retying his mask before he exited his new 'secret base'

Ryan only hesitated for a moment before using the tree roots to climb up the ledge, he let out a grunt as he hoisted himself on top.

After dusting off his pants, Ryan dug his hands into his jacket pockets, lazily wandering back to the base

Ryan entered the base, smiling as he heard his teammates talking, Scout's voice being the loudest

"- and the faggot-"

Ryan suddenly launched into the room, as he was hit with a pang of annoyance , "you called" he intruded 

...Well, he was eventually going to come out to his teammates anyways, besides he was never insecure about his sexuality

Spy and several other teammates let out a laugh as Scout's face turned pale. "You're a fag?!" Scout exclaimed as Ryan reached into his bag. Ryan chuckled, "no. I'm not a cigarette... but i do have some" he sassed as he pulled out his pack of cigarettes.

Scout let out a huff and rolled his eyes as Ryan walked over to the fridge, "...hell've way to come out of the closet, huh?" Ryan Mused as he opened the fridge

"'Ey son, you kinda been limpin', are you okay?"Engie asked as Ryan grabbed a soft drink from the fridge

Spy snorted, "so that's why Demo isn't here"

Ryan rolled his eyes playfully as Scout let out a noise of disgust, "nah', I went out on a run and had a pretty hard fall" Ryan explained as he opened his soda, 

Ryan examined the soda can... he knew this brand, it was his other's favourite. Ryan mentally scolded himself, he needed to stop getting this emotional at every thing that brought back a memory... why couldn't he just forget

Ryan let out a soft sigh before he downed the soft drink.

"'Ey, there's our favourite laddie!" Demo exclaimed clapping his hands on Ryan's shoulders, snapping the smaller man out of his thoughts. "Today was yer first day, we should celebrate!"

Scout snorted, "'Celebrating' probably means something different to freaks like him" he sneered, Engie quickly hit Scout on the shoulder

Ryan rolled his eyes as Engie continued to scold Scout, "what did you have in mind?"

Demo hesitated for a moment, "We could sit outside, 'ave a couple drinks" he suggested, before Ryan quickly nodded

...He could use the alcohol, it could wash away his thoughts, even if it was just for a little while

Ryan walked alongside Demo as they headed towards the door, "Don't fuck outside!" Scout provoked, Ryan simply laughed as Engie once again started scolding Scout

"what 'appened when I wasn't there?" Demo asked as they walked down the corridor.

Ryan stretched as he rested his hands behind his head, "tryin' to make fun of me, 'cuz I'm gay" he answered nonchalantly 

"That kid 'as got some problems" Demo stated as he rolled his eyes, "He needs to figure out who he likes, before tryin' to harass others for who they like"

Ryan looked over at Demo, "Truer words have never been spoken" he chimed as Demo opened the door that lead to, what appeared to be a courtyard

Demo motioned for Ryan to sit in a lawn chair beside him, before he handed Ryan a beer, which Ryan kindly accepted

"So, Laddie, how was your first day?"

Ryan shrugged as he took a long drink of beer, "good, I guess, only got sent to respawn once"

Demo nodded as he opened his can, "Who got you?"

"Sniper..." Ryan paused for a moment, "I was sniped..." he trailed off and smiled, "well, actually, I was stabbed" he clarified before he chugged the rest of his beer, even though it burned his throat

Demo let out a hum of acknowledgment as he handed Ryan another beer, "I really hope you don't quit, you did really good t'day"

Ryan looked over at Demo, he didn't say anything for moment, "don't worry, I'm part of the team now" he assured with a comforting smile... the same smile he would give Mundy whenever he was upset

"What's wrong, Laddie?" Demo eventually asked, Ryan hesitated and sighed before adjusting his mask

"D-do you believe things happen for a reason?"

"I'm not too sure myself", Demo looked out into the court yard, "the world we live in today don't make too much sense"

Ryan exhaled through his nose, "I guess, sometimes it's best just to go with the flow... Hope maybe one day the answers come"

"Ye do a lot of thinkin', don't ye?"

Ryan nodded softly as Demo looked down at the bottle of rum in his own hands

"Could I ask ye a question?"

For a moment, Ryan contemplated making a joke, "shoot" he stated simply

"Are ye... 'ave ye..." Demo trailed off, as if he was struggling to find the right words, "'ave ye spent a lot of time alone?"

"Yeah" Ryan shook his head softly, in a way to clear his head. "Yeah. I grew up lonely... so, I've always had a lot of time to think" he paused for a moment, "but after Mundy left and Ma passed, I've been especially lonely"

Demo reached out and patted Ryan on the shoulder, "w-well yer not alone anymore, yer apart of the team"

Ryan opened his mouth to speak when the door behind them opened, "dinner's ready..." Scout mumbled in a almost somber tone

Ryan offered Scout a patient smile, as he and Demo stood up and walked back inside.

"'Ey, Demo, have you ever had Harrogate rum?" Ryan asked as they walked back towards the dining room. Demo shook his head lightly, "don't believe so"

"It's really good rum from Britain..." Ryan paused for a moment, "It's actually Mundy's favourite..." He trailed off for a moment, "and Mundy doesn't like alcohol too much"

Ryan looked over at Scout, who stayed silent and refused to look over, even though Ryan could tell Scout wanted to say something. Ryan eventually sighed in defeat as Demo opened the door to the dining room.

Ryan shook his head as he took a seat between Engie and Spy

"Son. Did you apologize to Crumpets like I told you to?" Engie questioned, Ryan smiled sympathetically as he saw Scout visibly tense, he felt bad for the kid

"Yeah, he did, don't worry" Ryan lied, Scout looked over at Ryan in surprise, Ryan simply smiled again and gave a understanding nod.

"Okay, we need to find me a new nickname besides Crumpets" Ryan stated, Scout relaxed at the change of subject

There was a moment of silence as the group pondered over a name.

"How 'bout, Trigger" Scout suggested, Ryan shook his head, "Nah, that just makes it sound like I get easily offended"

They spent several minutes, tossing around name ideas.

"What about, Twitch" Spy suggested, Ryan snorted, "now that's just offensive"

Suddenly Solly slammed his hands against the table, "I got it!" He exclaimed, "how about Sentry"

Ryan hesitated for a moment before smiling, it wasn't a bad idea, and it would keep Mundy from figuring out who he was, at least for the time being, "I like it"

"So, I heard the repulsive bushman got you, mon amie" Spy acknowledged, Ryan clenched his fist, almost instinctively, no one had a right to talk bad about his friend, although he couldn't exactly say anything

Someone else spoke up, saying that the enemy Sniper was a coward that just hid... Ryan knew they didn't know any better, they probably thought he was just upset about getting sent to respawn. 

Ryan felt the heaviness in his chest as tears formed in his eyes... god he really was a cry baby

Scout let out a snort, "I sent 'im back to respawn, It was a mercy kill, coward lives in a camper van"

Ryan suddenly slammed his hands against the table, rising to his feet. He was looking at the ground, his body heaving with an uncanny rage

"I'm going to bed" Ryan snapped as he threw his bag over his shoulder, "thanks for dinner"

Without any explanation, Ryan turned around and quickly left the rest of the group.

"They don't know what he's been through, they have NO right to call him a coward"

Ryan continued to grumble to himself as he raced through the corridors and back into his own bedroom.

He slammed the door, locking it behind him, throwing his backpack on the floor along with it, before he started angrily pacing.

"Coward?! They're the cowards!"

Ryan slammed his hand against the night stand, he stiffened as he examined his watch

Ryan put his hands over his face as he slumped onto his bed

"Oh god, Mundy, what have we gotten ourselves into? What are we doing?"

Ryan sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Why are any of us here? Why are we even fighting?"

Ryan let out a sigh, he was exhausted, drained, lost

"I don't understand... I don't understand any of this"

Letting out a heavy sigh, Ryan shakily rose to his feet.

"There's no point thinkin' about it now... I feel better after I take a shower and get some rest"

Deep down, Ryan knew what he was doing, he was running from his problems, just like he had always done.


	7. Chapter 7

Needless to say, Ryan tried his best to avoid talking much to his team members for the next few weeks.

His days were spent going to battle, designing his 'secret base', quietly enjoying dinner, rinse and repeat.

Ryan has actually made quite a bit of progress with his base, mostly due to his partially feigned interest in Engie's occupation, not that Ryan necessarily minded listening to the engineer ramble about his work, in fact Engie seemed almost overjoyed at the the fact that someone was listening so intently to his passion.

Additionally, Ryan had also learned a lot about the engineer himself. Engie was about to turn 40, he was born and raised in Texas, only a few miles away from San Antonio, he was an only child, and had conservative, yet surprisingly accepting parents.

Ryan learned that Engie truly cared for Scout as his own son, and deep inside, Engie wanted Scout to leave here and build a future for himself, yet at the same time, Engie was afraid that Scout wouldn't be able to support himself out in the world, and wanted to be able to protect the kid. In total, Engie was truly a caring individual.

Using what he had learned, Ryan managed to install a mobile generator. He strung fairy lights up against the wall. Ryan had several large boxes, filled mostly with blankets, pillows, firewood, charcoal, lighter fluid, medical supplies, and even several miscellaneous items like sketch books and board games. Additionally, Ryan also had a fridge and a stove.

During every battle, Ryan would secretly check up on Mundy, he would sit on top of the metal support beams, sometimes for hours.

Ryan wanted to protect Mundy, and being able to hear the voice of his best friend brought him comfort.

Of course, that wasn't the only thing he did, Ryan would also buy things for Mundy, sneaking out at night to put them there for the next day. Most of the time, the things he bought weren't that big, usually simple things, like more coffee, or blankets, although he did replace the tarp on the top of the building, to better protect him from the rain.

Despite this, Ryan still felt lost, he didn't know what to do.

...Today was even worse for Ryan

Even though he was alone, Ryan fought off his tears, he was currently sat at the edge of the roof of the Blu building. Ryan took a drag of his cigarette, his legs dangling carelessly over the edge as he watched the night sky.

"You haven't been yourself lately, Mon amie"

Ryan jumped in surprise, causing the cigarette to escape from his hands before falling to the ground below them.

Ryan turned around, to face the other masked man, "oh, hey, Spy" he greeted, his voice was hoarse. Ryan shuffled slightly before motioning for Spy to take a seat beside him.

Ryan pulled out cigarette case as Spy sat beside him, "would you like a smoke?"

"S'il vous plaît"

Ryan smiled as he pulled out two cigarettes, flicking open his watch in order to light them before handing one to Spy.

"That is a impressive watch, Mon amie" Spy stated as he accepted the cigarette

"Thanks. It was a gift from Mundy" Ryan replied with a ghost of a smile before he took a drag of his cigarette

"You must have cared a lot about him, non?"

"Yeah..." Ryan whispered, looking out into the night sky. "He was my best friend"

There was a long moment of silence, although it appeared that Spy wanted to say something

"I heard that your mother passed away" Spy acknowledged, almost sympathetically

Ryan nodded, still not looking at Spy, "yeah. Tomorrow is the three year anniversary of her death"

"If it's not too much..." Spy paused for a moment, "could I ask about the whereabouts of your father?"

Ryan visibly tensed, "h-he wasn't a good person..." he took a shaky breath, "me and Ma fled to Australia when I was eight"

"You haven't seen him sense" Spy assumed

Ryan didn't respond... Spy wasn't entirely correct, but Ryan didn't know if he should tell his teammate what he had been through

"Dad was involved with a lot of bad people..." Ryan explained softly

Ryan's father was a vengeful person... A manipulative, hard headed, vengeful person, he could easily get what he wanted... and he wanted someone dead, then that person is going to be dead.

Needless to say, having run away, Ryan's father was dead set on getting revenge on both Ryan and his mother.

"May I ask you for advice, on something that I've recently learned?" Spy asked, Ryan looked over before softly nodding. Spy was silent for a moment, "I figured out that the enemy spy..." he trailed off. "The enemy Spy is the father of our Scout"

"Does Scout know?" Ryan asked in a whisper, Spy shook his head, "not yet, I am afraid that the kid will not handle the news well"

Ryan softly nodded, "I understand" he paused, "what about the enemy Spy"

"I-I have no idea" Spy paused, "I wanted to ask someone who seemed to have more... Experience on the matter"

Ryan nodded absentmindedly, "we should wait, until we know that Scout is mentally in a place where he can accept that"

If something like that happened to him, Ryan shuddered, no, he couldn't think about that

Spy let out a sigh, snapping Ryan out of his thoughts, "well, I am not in any position to judge you, mon amie" Spy rose to his feet, "but it is obvious that there is more to you than what meets the eye..."

Spy shook his head as he started walking away from Ryan, Spy suddenly came to a halt for a moment, "I wonder how someone like you ended up in a place like this" Spy   
Stated before he left Ryan alone with his thoughts

"Because I'm weak..." Ryan answered, even though he knew Spy couldn't hear him

Ryan let out a sigh, as his eyes drifted shut and his mind began to wander

"I've always been weak"

"I've always had to have someone to come protect me" he let out a pained laugh, "either that or I would just run away from my problems"

Ryan sighed as he slowly traced a long faded scar that ran up his ankle, his memories flooding back to him.

...Ryan was 11 at the time

He remembers how it felt when his bullies roughly shoved Ryan to the ground... They were several years older than him, and a hell of a lot bigger

"What are you goin' to do? You gonna cry? You gonna run away again?"

Ryan backed away, trying to hold back his tears, before one of them landed a hard kick against his gut.

"Lets make sure you don't run off"

Before Ryan could properly react, one of his assaultants flipped open a pocket knife, jamming it into the side of Ryan's ankle and pulling down.

Ryan let out a pained scream, as he started thrashing around, trying desperately to get away

"Guess you can't run this time"

Ryan let out another whimper as he slowly backed away, tears welled in his eyes

"He really is gonna cry! What a fucking wimp!"

Ryan clasped his hands over his ears, they were laughing at him, he couldn't take it anymore, everything hurt, Ryan felt like he was going to die.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

Ryan shakily looked up slightly at the familiar voice, "M-Mundy"

Mundy was tall, for his age, not nearly as frail as Ryan, and looked older than he was.

In mere seconds, Mundy grabbed one of the assaultants by the shirt collar and punched them in the face, causing their nose to audibly crack. The bully stumbled back, placing a hand over their nose

Before anyone else could move, Mundy pulled something out of his pocket, although Ryan couldn't see what is was.

The bullies froze, slowly raising there hands up, "don't ever hurt my friend again..." Mundy paused, "I'll give you fifteen seconds to run"

There was barely any hesitation before the bullies quickly fled

Mundy sighed before rushing over to Ryan, Mundy was holding a plastic prop gun, luckily it had been to dark outside for the bullies to tell it was fake.

"Ryan, are you okay?"

Ryan didn't reply, he simply threw his arms around Mundy and let out a sob, "scared, so scared" Ryan whimpered, clutching onto the back of Mundy's shirt

It took almost half an hour for Mundy to calm Ryan down, even then he had to lean on Mundy's shoulders for support as they walked home

This wasn't the first time that someone had to help him, and it definitely wasn't the last, time and time again he found himself depending on someone else, usually Mundy or him mom, for protection.

Ryan was wimpy, he had never been brave or courageous, instead of defending himself or confronting the problem he would run away, that was just his personality, that was what he had always done.

That's why Ryan joined to fight for the Blu team, he wanted to become stronger, he didn't want to be a wimp.

...Especially since Mundy and his mom weren't here to protect him anymore.

Although the strange thing about Ryan is that he could also be very reckless, however he didn't know for sure if this recklessness was caused because it was part of his personality, or if that was his subconscious way of combating his constant fear.

Ryan shook his head, trying to clear his head, the paralyzing fear and the overwhelming recklessness clashed in his mind, making him indecisive, and unable to make proper choices, if he made a choice at all.

Because of this, Ryan was often confused and disoriented, causing him to display, erratic, anxious, and borderline manic tendencies

Ryan hated that, he felt completely lost, he never truly fully understood what was happening around him, but, despite this he always tried his best, after all, that's all he really could do.

He sighed and shook his head once more, his mind felt cluttered, his thoughts were jumbled up. Part of him wanted to scream, scream and cry, and struggle. Ryan didn't care if that made him seem like a brat, or if he seemed childish, because in all honesty, Ryan was terrified, he just wanted all the pain to stop, hell he wanted everything in general to stop.

However, Ryan knew that wasn't a option, so instead, he tried his best to be strong, or a least tried to pretend he was stronger than he actually was, pretending was always something Ryan was good at, his mom and Mundy were the only two that could see through his facade after all.

Maybe, it was due to his own facade and traumas that made Ryan so good at reading the emotions of others. Ryan was truly an empath, always wearing his heart on his shoulder, it was extremely difficult for him to build up any hatred or vengeance against anyone, as he understood the struggles that person may be facing, that, someone could be struggling just as much as him, maybe even more.

Ryan looked down at his watch, 12:03 a.m... Ryan took a shaky breath before looking up at the night sky, tears brimming his eyes

"I've come quite far... haven't I..."

He sniffled softly before forcing his lips into a somber smile

"I hope you're proud of me Ma..."

Looking down at his hands, Ryan let out a quiet, subdued sob

"It's only been three years... but it feels a lot longer"

His body shook with emotions as tears streamed from his cheeks and fell to his hands

"I've gotten stronger, a-and I'm gonna' keep getting stronger"

Ryan clenched his fists as he slowly rose to his feet

"No matter how broken I am now, or how broken I may become, I won't give in, I won't quit-"

He cut himself off with a sob, before he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes

"C-cuz, I'm not weak anymore! I'm not afraid anymore!"

Ryan screamed his declaration into the surrounding darkness, his entire body shaking, heaving with emotions. 

After a minute Ryan let out a sigh, "I'm not... I'm not afraid" he whispered, trying to convince himself, even though, deep inside, he knew that he was still terrified.

He shook his head softly, "I should probably get some sleep..." Ryan trailed off and smiled weakly, "but, don't worry, Ma, I'll come back and talk to you later" and with that final statement, Ryan silently trudged back to his room, mentally preparing himself for whatever tomorrow had to offer.  


End file.
